Single Mom of Two

December 15, 2007 at 4:49 pm | Posted in Personal | 20 Comments

That would be me.

Not long after the last post of trying to decide where to go with the blog, the man formally known as Karma Hubby decided that he does not want to live here any more.

You know we had some problems in Spring, and have been working on them since. We had just celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary, and had been together for 12 years. I have been seeing a therapist at least once a week, sometimes twice, so that I could look at what parts I play in our communications issues. Believe it or not, I have faults! Now, pick yourself up, it is true, and I am trying to address them. I plan to continue to go.

The Former was seeing someone, the whole time he was having his identity issues, but he did not share them with her. Then, when the stuff hit the fan, he changed to another therapist, but eventually he just kinda quit making and going to his appointments. I think he has seen him once in the last 9 weeks. So, things have been getting worse on his end, and this is how it is coming out. He wants to leave. He can’t tell me why. Or when he does, it is one reason one day, and another the next. He is living in the room upstairs that we had built for when his family would come to stay, so they would have a nice room. It is apart from us only by a set of stairs. Problem is, he is always out looking for an apartment, so it is like he is not here and I have already had to start adjusting to being a “single mom.”

He told me of his plans and five minutes later he was telling the kids. Karma Boy, being 4, doesn’t understand, but Karma Girl, 6, does. She cried all day. I did too. The boy played. This has been going on for a week now. He kept explaining to her that he was looking for apartments, and this has not been helping. I keep telling her that she will be able to see him anytime he is available and reminding her that he will always be her Daddy. She has become extremely insecure about her place in the world and with us and that is manifesting in lots of crying and clinging. She asks many questions, such as, “who is going to take care of me when my brother is at speech therapy?” It just breaks my heart. The boy has just been super clingy and has gone back to crawling into my bed at night. Right now I am letting him. He seems to need to be in contact with me at all times. I try to save my complete breakdowns for when the kids are out of sight, maybe playing in another room, or after they have gone to bed. I have cried so hard that every muscle in my body hurts and I can barley walk.

I don’t know what is going to happen from here. He says he plans for me to stay in the house and continue to home school the kids. We sat down and tried to figure out if I could get a job on the opposite of his schedule, but his schedule changes from week to week, and many times he works weekends. We talked about sending the kids to school so I could work while they are there and he agrees that that would only add financial strain as there will always be sick days, and days the school is closed, and we don’t have childcare. We have no family here in the city, and both of my best girlfriends have moved up North.

I haven’t been able to sleep from worry about the money, and what will happen next, and with the kids up and down all night, I am tired and in desperate need of a break, but it ain’t gonna happen. I have spent so much time working on making this relationship better, and not going out, that I now have no one to go out with. It only makes it worse that this is happening at Christmas time. It certainly takes the joy out, but I am trying, for the kids sake, so the tree is up and lit, and we drive around at night looking at the lights and listening to carols on the radio.

I am not sure how much blogging I will be doing, as I have even less time than before to do things just for me.

So, if you are feeling overwhelmed this holiday season, just be glad that you don’t have to deal with two small kids whose father has decided to leave. Sigh.

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20 Comments »

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  1. It seems to be going around… this separating thing. I feel for you – I’m going through it too right now. Thing of it is, you will find your relieved once some of the tension is gone from the house. Just remember to take care of yourself for your children’s sake, and don’t let him keep you down at his level.

    Good luck.

  2. I love you. I will see you Friday and we will hash it all out, again.

    (The offer still stands—I’m sure I can kick his ass, if I really want to!!)

  3. I so sorry you have to go through this and your kids have to go through this. Sending hugs your way.

  4. You don’t know me, but for some reason I cannot just read a post like that and go on to the next one. I am so sorry for your and for your children.

    I really don’t know what I else I can say. But take care of yourself.

  5. Kamrin,

    I would never pretend to know how you feel but my heart hurts for you and the kids right now. While reading your post, I could “see” you crying and I wished I could just HUG you. I am so sorry. However, I do know that you are a very strong woman and mother. Hang in there.

    Love ya girl
    Lots of HUGS coming your way!!!

  6. My heart is breaking for you. I am so very sorry you’re having to deal with this.

  7. Really sorry that you are all having to go through this. I wish there was something that all of your friends out here in the blogosphere could do to make it easier. Hang in there girl!

  8. Kamrin,

    I’m SO sorry for you and the kids!!!! You and the kids are in my thoughts. {{{{HUGS}}}} to you…I’ll email you about work ideas that will let you stay home during the day. 🙂

    Laura

  9. Hugs!

  10. Oh, Kamrin,
    This was hard to read. I wish you continued strength as you move through this.

    hugs,
    Deb

  11. I love you.

  12. You don’t know me either, but I’d like to introduce myself. I’m a single mom of 1 (boy, 11) and I came to your site looking for more info on making plarn. But I’d like you to know my thoughts and prayers are with you this midwinter season. What a mess. But I’ve personally seen people push through situations like this and come out with their kids and their selves okay, stronger, wiser, and more together. Please know I’m rooting for you.

  13. words fail me… just know that you are all loved.

  14. I am so sorry you and your family have to go through this! May you find some peace in this difficult time. I am praying for you!

  15. Kamrin, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. And what a wretched time, not that any time is a good one. I don’t know of any magic words to make it better except that this will pass, as all things do. Slap me for that. I hate trite, smug little sayings, but they sure come to mind faced with such a disaster. Just know that I am thinking of you and your little ones and hoping that you can find some way to ease the pain and heartbreak. Big hugs, lynette

  16. Kamrin, I am so sorry that this is going on, especially at this time of year. All of my best wishes go out to you and the kids. This has got to be terribly difficult, you just need to maintain faith in yourself and you will see your way through this. Hugs to you and both the Karma Kids. EG

  17. Girl, what can I say? I think the hardest part to read was that despite the “identity crisis”, he was seeing “her”. Could this situation be any more heartbreaking for you? My best to you and especially to the kids, and my hopes that all of you find peace.

  18. just checking on you this morning. you were on my mind. it doesn’t fix it, but know that someone in tulsa is praying that you find relief from your pain and some peace with this. hugs, lynette

  19. Oh no. I am very sorry. Girl … we have more in common than I knew. Unfortunately. I have almost the same stats: married 10 years, 3 kids (about the same ages as yours at the time), shit hit hte fan on Dec. 21st, right before Xmas w/ 3 little kids. I was devastated. We did therapy, it was hard hard hard.

    That was Dec. 1994. I’m OK, and I wouldn’t undo it now, believe it or not. Lynette is right – you may not be able to imagine it now, but I promise you, it does get better. YOU will be better. Impossible to see now, I know, but hold on to that.

    I’m so sorry … I know it’s a terrible terrible time for this to hit you.

    One suggestion, as one who’s been there, that may sound cold: get it in writing, as far as the support. Even if everyone’s agreeable now, or next year or 5yrs from now, it’s critical to have an ironclad agreement regarding support, for the kids’ sake. Good thoughts to you, Kamrin.

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